Nothing Gold Can Stay
by Hippielover459
Summary: Some people do not like that. However, it is the truth. We all die. The goal is not to live forever; the goal is to create something that will. -slight RandyOC-
1. Shadows and Regrets

Notes: This story is going to be filled to the top with extreme angst and will only be 13 chapter, so it'll be fast paced. I'm not going to go very deep in the talk about the disease so please don't message me about how wrong I am. I'll be doing my best, thank you. It will also jump around between Manny's, Brad's and Randy's POVs, so watch out for that, though it will be clearly labled. Chapter One is only in Manny's POV for obvious reasons. Ignore the mistakes and enjoy!  
Warning: Language and Talk of Death.  
Summary: Their friend was dying and there was nothing they could do to help her.  
Disclaimer: I do not own Home Improvement, nor any of the characters from it. I do own Manny and her parents and anyone else I throw in randomly.  
Reminder: Please review!

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****Amanda's POV**

I ducked through the hole in the fence separating my house from my neighbors, the Taylor's. That hole had been there the entire time I had been living next door to them and it always surprised me that Mr. Taylor had never fixed it.

I had been living next door to them since I was about six or seven. Either Mr. Taylor didn't know it was there or he never got around to fixing it. This was a good thing for me. That would mean I would have to go around to get to their backyard.

For a while, Mr. and Mrs. Taylor thought me being alone on their porch swing was strange, but after about a year of me and my family getting to know them better, they'd wave out the back door and go on doing whatever they were doing.

I know that what I just told you sounded weird, so I should probably mention that I was good friends with the two older Taylor boys, Brad and Randy. I'm not even sure about how we became friends. One day we didn't know each other and the next BAM! we were best friends.

That is, of course, until we hit middle school. We made other friends, but we were still really good friends.

Once when we were about ten, we were playing some game by this really big hill (not Dead Mans Curve, a smaller hill, but not by much) and tripped and fell halfway down. One minute I was falling and the next I heard Brad yelling "Manny!" instead of Amanda or Hawthorne (which is my last name and what they rarely called me) because Manny was faster to say I guess.

So the guys started calling me Manny instead of Amanda. They were the only ones. Everyone else called me Amanda, so it was like an inside joke between the three of us, and occasionally Mark when Brad and Randy were in good moods.

The sun was starting to go down. It was late and I needed to get away from my parents for a little while. I sat down on the porch swing and moved it a little.

Mrs. Taylor saw me out of the window and waved. I returned the gesture halfway. Once she turned away, I leaned my head back and moved the swing faster.

It was only about two or three minutes later I heard, "You're going to break the swing."

I jumped a little and looked in the direction of the voice. It was Randy. "Sorry."

Randy came over and sat down next to me. I wanted to tell him what was on my mind. I needed someone to know besides my parents but I couldn't tell them.

We sat in silence for a while. I saw Randy look over at me a few times. The look on his face surprisingly annoyed me even though he was only worried. I think that's why I didn't want to tell them. I didn't want their sympathy and their constant worry. I was getting that from my parents.

"Are you okay?" Randy finally asked, leaning back and putting his hands in his lap.

I turned to look at him. "I'm fine." I lied.

Just then Brad walked outside with a bowl in his hand. "Hey Manny." He plopped down on the other side of me.

There was spaghetti in the bowl, my all-time favorite food since I was four. My stomach growled and I mentally kicked myself for it.

Brad saw me looking at his bowl. He held it out slightly to me. "What some?"

Oh boy, did I want some of it. But the doctor told me not to eat or drink anything after seven o'clock and it was eight.

"I can't." I told him.

Brad and Randy exchanged looks. "Why not?"

I put my head in my hands. "Because it's after seven." I moved my head and placed it on top of my hands, my elbows on my knees.

"You're not on some kind of diet, are you?" Brad asked.

I shook my head. "I…have to have tests done in the morning and the doctor told me not to eat after seven o'clock."

I closed my eyes before leaning back. When we were younger, all three of us could literally lay on the swing and still have room. But then Brad grew about two feet and Randy and I about one foot each so just sitting together on the swing was proving difficult.

"You only need to not eat for really serious tests…" Randy trailed off and I swallowed hard. I knew what was coming. "Manny, what happened?" He asked.

I didn't want to tell them. I did, but I didn't. That doesn't even make sense.

"Nothing." I said quietly.

"Amanda, seriously." Brad said.

Brad never used my full name unless he was angry or being completely serious. This was one of those times I didn't know which one it was.

"I don't want to talk about it." I told them. I _did _want to talk about it, but I didn't.

I hate to admit it, but I was scared.

"You're not going to die, though, right?" I think Randy meant that to lighten up the mood, but I stood up and walked a few steps without even thinking about it.

"You _**aren't**_ dying…are you?" Brad asked, sounding serious.

I turned around to look from Brad to Randy before looking past them

"…I don't know yet." I whispered.


	2. All Around Me

Notes: I almost didn't update this today, but then I did. As if you can't see that. And this chapter goes from Amanda's POV to Brad's and back to Amanda's. Just to warn you, though it's clearly labeled so. Ignore the mistakes and enjoy.  
Warning: Language and Talk of Death.  
Summary: Their friend was dying and there was nothing they could do to help her.  
Disclaimer: See Chapter One  
Reminder: Please review!

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Amanda's POV

They both stood up in unison. "What do you mean you don't know?" Randy asked, the worry was practically dripping form his voice.

…strange picture…

"Yeah, what's going on with you?" Brad demanded. Yeah, I said demanded. I never thought I'd see the day he ordered me to do something.

I opened my mouth to say something when my watch beeped. I looked down at it. It was nine o'clock. I had promised my mom that I would be home by eight-thirty. She was going to kill me.

Oh, the irony in that statement was thick.

"I have to get home." I told them.

"You can't leave." Brad said.

"Yeah, you can't say you're going to die and then just leave." Randy added.

I sighed. I was going to be in so much trouble, but they were right. I crossed my arms around my ribs. "I want to tell you. And I will. But I was supposed to be home thirty minutes ago." I checked my watch again. "I know it's not fair. I completely get that. I'll come by tomorrow after my tests and I'll tell you everything. I promise. Does that sound fair?"

Brad and Randy looked at each other and both shrugged. "Only if you answer all of our questions."

I nodded.

"What time are your tests?" Randy asked.

"Sometime around ten, I think." I told him. "I'll come by right after, I promise."

Before I had a chance to react, Brad was hugging me. I looked to the side for a second, and then hugged him back. Brad almost never hugged me, or anyone else for that matter. I must have _really_ freaked him out. He let me go, but not really. He held me out at arms length and looked at me.

I waited for about a minute before saying, "I really have to get home."

Brad nodded and let go of me. Smirking slightly, I turned to Randy. "Do you want a hug too?"

Randy shrugged and smiled slightly (as much as you could smile truthfully in this kind of situation). "What the heck." And he hugged me.

We pulled apart and I walked over to the fence and went through the hole and went home.

**Brad's POV**

After Manny left, we turned to go back inside.

"What was that about?" I asked, opening the door.

Randy shrugged. "I have no idea."

"But it must be something serious. How do you not know you're going to die?" I said.

"What are you guys talking about?" We both jumped and turned to the dining room table where our mom was sitting.

Randy and I both looked at each other for a good answer that would please mom.

"Oh…we were just talking about this book Manny was telling us about." Randy said quickly.

Mom took off her glasses. "Really? That sounds like an interesting book. What is it called?"

I shrugged. "Yeah, like I was listening."

Mom laughed. "Yeah, you're right."

She smirked as she left to get something from her other office. I nudged Randy and we went down into his room. He closed the door and made sure mom or dad couldn't hear us.

"What do you think's wrong with her?" I asked him.

He shrugged. "I don't know. All I can think about is how scared I was when there was that time we thought I-."

I looked up at him. "You don't think-" I interrupted.

"No! No, definitely not." Randy interrupted back.

I laughed. "You're right. It's probably nothing to get worried about…" I trailed off as I stood up. "I'm going to see if mom put the spaghetti away yet. Do you want something?"

He shook his head. "No, I'm good."

I walked up the stairs and open the fridge door.

"Brad, you just ate!" Mom called over. She was back at the dining room table.

I looked up. "I'm a growing boy mom, I need to eat." I grabbed one of the bowls and closed the door.

**Amanda's POV**

"Mom, I'm home!" I called. I didn't know if she was still in her office or someplace else.

Just then she appeared from the kitchen. "Where were you?" She asked.

My mother was a little too worrisome, but I guess she had a good reason.

"I was over at the Taylor's." I told her. "I have to go over there after my tests tomorrow." I paused. "Is that okay?"

Mom nodded quickly. "Of course it is." She then left.

I sighed and headed up to my bedroom. Mom was always super nice when she expected the worse. I knew it and when she started, it didn't really help boost my confidence. I didn't need her treating me differently. What I needed was her to be my mother all the time.

When I reached my bedroom, I closed the door tightly. I plopped down on my bed and looked at the walls around me. I had a few posters, some framed things and a bunch of pictures on my walls. Some of the pictures were random from magazines and newspaper clippings. Most were pictures either my mom or someone else had taken.

The ones by my bed were the most special to me. They were mostly family pictures, but a few were of Brad, Randy and I and some even had Mark in them. Some were just two of us or three of us or the four of us.

I smiled slightly. We could never take any serious pictures. There was one of us just smiling; all the others were us doing stupid things.

After a few minutes of looking at the pictures, I went to brush my teeth. It was hard for me not to drink any water because I was _so_ thirsty, but I didn't. When I crawled into bed ten minutes later, I hugged my stuffed dog Sora (don't ask where I got the name) tightly.

Then, right before I fell asleep, I heard myself whisper, _"I don't want to die."_


	3. Serious

Notes: I couldn't remember when the last time I updated was, so I decided to update now. I got a little carried away with the switching between characters in this chapter, so, sorry about that in advance. You finally get to know what's wrong with Manny in this chapter. Like I said, though, there won't be a lot of detail about it. There are only ten chapters left, as I also said, it is fast paced. Ignore the mistakes and enjoy.  
Warning: Language and Talk of Death.  
Summary: Their friend was dying and there was nothing they could do to help her.  
Disclaimer: See Chapter One  
Reminder: Please review!

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**Randy's POV**

I checked my watch again. It was 12:05. About three minutes from the last time I had checked.

"Where is she?" Brad asked from the couch for about the sixth time in the last half hour.

But he was right. Manny's test was supposed to be two hours ago. It had to be over by now, didn't it?

At least Brad was sort of doing something productive, though TV isn't that productive. But it was better that standing by the door, pacing in front of it.

I looked at my watch again. It was 12:07. I was just about to head up the stairs to the bathroom when the doorbell rang. Brad and I both raced to the door and pulled it open.

**Amanda's POV**

I had just crossed my arms over my chest as the door opened. As much as I wanted to pretend like I had forgotten my promise to the two oldest Taylor boys, I knew I couldn't.

"What took you so long?" Brad demanded, again, as he came up behind Randy.

I took a step inside, even without them welcoming me in, my arms still crossed. "The doctors got all my paperwork confused. My mom and I were waiting for an hour before they took us back and then they messed more paperwork. It was just one big fiasco."

They both nodded the same look on both of their faces. I sighed and looked down. "I'm not going to tell you here." I almost whispered.

Randy led the way down to his room, with me in the middle, and Brad bringing up the rear.

Once we reached his room, Randy stood off to the side while Brad sat in Randy's computer chair. I sat on the bed. I placed my hands between my knees and squeezed them. It hurt, but I didn't stop. I could feel my heart beating faster and my breath quicken. I looked down at my feet.

About a minute passed, though it felt like an eternity, when Brad said, "Well?" impatiently.

I sighed. My chest tightened and it was getting hard for me to breathe. But I had come this far, and I knew I had to tell them. I had too.

"Before I tell you," I started. "You have to promise you won't tell anyone." I whispered.

"But Manny-" Brad started.

"Promise!" I repeated loudly.

After a slight pause, Randy said: "We promise."

"This is going to be really hard for me to say," I told them, returning my gaze to the floor. "So just give me a second, and don't say anything until I'm done."

About a minute of silence passed until I filled it by saying, "I might have cancer…_again_."

**Brad's POV**

There were a lot of things I was expecting her to say, but her having cancer was not one of them.

"Wait-" Randy said suddenly, breaking into my thoughts. "Again?"

Manny nodded. "I had it back before I moved here. I think I was around three when I got it and six when it went away. Mom and Dad moved us so I could have a new start." She looked up, and then back down again.

We all sat in silence for a few minutes. I know I was just trying to take it all in. I guess Randy was as well. And I have no idea how Manny was feeling or what she was thinking.

I looked up to see Randy open his mouth. I felt hopeful because I thought he'd say something, but he closed his mouth again.

We stood in silence for another few moments until I finally said, "Are you going to be okay?"

Manny looked up at me and Randy looked over at me at the same time.

**Amanda's POV**

I looked up at Brad, trying to see him through the tears that were threatening to build up. I blinked them away. But the truth was if I didn't fall into remission for a second time, there would be a 99 percent chance I would die.

But that sounded way too harsh to say, so I thought of a better way to phrase it.

"If my body gives up, then I'm going to die," That still sounded harsh.

Randy and Brad looked sharply at each other. I sighed and looked down again.

"How many people know?" Brad asked, looking away from Randy.

I thought for a second. "Besides my family and my last set of doctors…two people."

"Us." Randy said as he pointed to himself and Brad.

I nodded. "Yeah." I whispered.

I wrapped my arms around my middle again, holding onto myself tighter that ever before. I couldn't breathe very well, but I didn't really care. At least not at the time.

"When will you get your results back?" Brad asked, breaking the silence.

"Sometime this week. The doctor said Saturday at that latest." I whispered, trying to sound patient, but the fact that it was only Sunday made that hard to do.

"Well, if you need anything, you can come to us, okay?" Randy asked.

I looked at him for about half a second, looked over at Brad before looking at the floor and nodding. I was feeling odd, for the lack of a better word. I just wanted to run home and forget that I ever told them. I was also feeling guilty for telling them all this.

I hadn't noticed that Brad or Randy had moved until I felt something on my back. I jumped, embarrassed, and saw that Randy had his hand on my back, and he was moving the other one to my arms. "It'll be okay. I know it's hard, but try to relax. It doesn't look like you're getting any air."

I let him move my arms away without a fight or an argument. He held my hands on my knees, possibly because he was afraid I would run away if he wasn't holding onto me.

And he wouldn't be completely wrong.


	4. That's How You Know

Notes: I wasn't going to upload this today, seeing as my cousin's graduation party is today and I have to go look cute for it (which takes me a long time to achieve) and I have to wait for my boyfriend to come. But none of that's important seeing as I AM uploading this chapter, so I guess all is forgiven. And thank you to all of you who have read and reviewed this. Like I said before, it moves a little fast. There are only 13 chapters to this. But anyway, just ignore the mistakes and enjoy.  
Warning: Language and Talk of Death.  
Summary: Their friend was dying and there was nothing they could do to help her.  
Disclaimer: See Chapter One  
Reminder: Please review!

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**Amanda's POV**

The next day, I put my coat on and was about to step outside to catch the bus when my mother handed me my lunch (I stopped taking my lunch back in the fifth grade) and kissed my cheek before sending me out. When I got to my stop, I opened it and rolled my eyes. It was my favorite, a little container of spaghetti and a roll. So much for trying to keep me thinking positively.

"Hey, Manny." I looked up and saw Brad, Randy and Mark not far behind him.

I smiled slightly and nodded at him. I didn't have anything say and my stomach turning and pulling in nervousness would have made my voice sound funny.

"How are you?" Randy asked as he stood next to me.

I turned to look at him, an eyebrow raised. In our entire friendship, he never asked me that.

He turned to look at me and saw my look. "What?" He tried to look innocent.

"You've never asked me that before." I told him.

He shrugged. "I can't ask now?"

"Fine."

Now he looked confused. "Fine, that's how I am or fine, you can ask?"

"Both." I answered shortly, looking away.

Brad came up on the other side of me. "Randy and I were talking" -- I rolled my eyes, but they couldn't see me -- "and if your test comes back positive, we'll buy you popsicles until you puke." Brad said, apparently trying to make me feel better.

It didn't work. I sighed. "Brad-"

Randy just up and interrupted me. "We were looking up stuff last night on my computer and it said popsicles were a good way to stay hydrated, so-"

"When I said you couldn't talk about it, I meant to me too." I told them in a loud whisper.

"But, Manny-" Randy started, but I looked up at him and he stopped. But as soon as I looked away again, he continued with, "Why don't you want to talk about it?"

I gritted my teeth. "Because talking about makes it more true."

**Randy's POV**

I watched as Manny's jaw muscles tightened and she said, "Because talking about makes it more true."

All I could do was stare at her. She didn't look like herself and she certain wasn't acting like herself. Of course, I couldn't blame her. Especially since I was in the same spot she was almost two years. I wanted to say something, anything, to make her feel better, but just by the look on her face, I knew nothing would. She didn't look like the same girl who we stood at the bus stop with no more than five days ago.

She looked up at me and I was stunned by the emotions in her eyes.

"What?" She asked, quietly, looking off to the side slightly like she usually did when she was confused or nervous.

I had to look away before I uttered, "It's nothing."

Where was the bus? It should have been here five minutes ago. I was about to look at my watch when it turned the corner.

**Brad's POV**

All I wanted to do was forget about Manny. I wasn't trying to be mean about it, but I got this anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach and all I wanted was it to go away, and fast. But every time I was close, I would turn a corner or enter a room and either there she'd be or there would be something there that reminded her of me.

Don't get me wrong, Manny had been one of my good friends for a really long time and I care a lot about her, but this waiting crap was going to be the end of me.  
It didn't help that every time I saw her she had her arms wrapped tightly across her stomach and she was looking down. When I saw her at lunch, without touching her bagged lunch, she looked sad, but she also looked like she was trying to hide it, I don't know how good of a job she was doing, but our other friends didn't ask her about it, so maybe it was just because I knew about it.

Randy came in with his tray and sat down next to Manny. He looked over at her just as she got up and threw her lunch in the trashcan.

When she came back and sat down, Randy grabbed her arm and leaned towards her and whispered something in her ear. Manny shook her head and Randy gave her this, like, piercing look and Manny reached over and grabbed his fruit cup and his spoon before throwing him a dirty look and starting to eat.

The people, our friends, sitting at the table around us didn't even look twice at Manny and Randy, didn't even look twice at their supposed best friends even though Randy looked extremely desperate and Manny looked about to cry or scream or something. Just looking at her seemed to break my heart, which was very weird, especially for me.

**Amanda's POV**

At lunch, all I wanted was to be left alone, go to the library and read, and not eat. I wasn't hungry and I was so nervous I'd consider myself lucky if I kept anything down. But I'd have to walk through the cafeteria to get to the library during lunch and that was just to must work, so I just sat down at our usual table (our meaning me, Randy, Brad, Tommy, his sister Emily, her boyfriend Jimmy and his best friend Kevin, Kevin's girlfriend Allison and Allison's twin brother Adam). We were all friends and we had been for a long time now, but I really didn't want to talk to any of them today. When I got there, I sat and moved my lunch bag away from me. So what if it was my favorite? I didn't care.

Brad came in next and sat down across from me, not saying a word. I felt him look up at me a few times while our other friends came and joined us.

Randy was the last person at the table. When he sat down, I got up slowly and threw my lunch away. I didn't want it and nobody else would, so keeping it would be a waste because if I took it home, my mom or dad would just pitch it.

When I sat back down, Randy grabbed my arm and whispered in my ear, "Have you eaten anything since your tests yesterday?" He asked.

Who was he, my mother? I shook my head truthfully and he gave me a threatening look. I rolled my eyes before grabbing his fruit cup and eating it, slowly. It didn't agree very well with my stomach, but that was probably just because I hadn't eaten in a couple of days.

And Randy being so concerned without really showing his concern made me feel funny.


	5. Positive

Notes: It's been a week since I last updated, so I figured today would be a good day to upload this. I'm just beginning Chapter Eleven, so it really is almost over. That's pretty much it, ignore the mistakes and enjoy.  
Warning: Language and Talk of Death.  
Summary: Their friend was dying and there was nothing they could do to help her.  
Disclaimer: See Chapter One  
Reminder: Please review!

**Amanda's POV**

It was the next Friday and I have absolutely no idea how I made it six days without going crazy. Everyday seemed to drag on and on and on and all I wanted was the phone to ring and tell me what was going to happen. I needed that phone to ring and tell me whether or not I should do some many things. Did I need to study for my SATs? Should I be looking at colleges? Should I be saving up for said colleges? Should I be thinking about my future job? Or my future at all? Should I be _trying_ at **all**?

After I got home from school, I went up to my room and put my pajamas and headphones on. I wouldn't be about to concentrate if I was straining to hear the phone ring. I picked one of the loudest pieces of music I owned and let it take me away to a place I was not used to. I let the lyrics sweep over me. I didn't want to do my homework, but knew if I didn't, I would never get around to it.

No more than fifteen minutes later my homework was done. This was one of those rare times I wish I had so much homework that I was up all night working on it. I would have loved to have homework like that this past week. Though I probably should have taken my time, but I knew what I was doing, so it didn't take too long. I laid back on my bed and closed my eyes. It was almost four. I think I was the one supposed to cook dinner, but my mother would probably take care of it, just like she had done all my other chores for me. I wasn't very okay with that, but she just kept pushing to do them, so I let her.

The next song was just beginning when the volume was being turned down, I opened my eyes and my parents were standing in my bedroom. I slide my headphones off.

"What?" I asked, beginning to feel extremely nervous. I did **not** like the looks on their faces.

"Honey, the doctor called," my father said, his voice low.

"And…" I bit my bottom lip.

My mother looked down. "You have to go to the doctors next week for your first round of chemotherapy." She started to cry and she hugged me.

I was in shock. I guess I hadn't thought that it would come back. I guess I figured I had suffered once, so there was no way it could happen again. I let my mother finish hugging me, and then I let my father hug me, before they left to make an appointment or something.

I didn't know I was crying until the air I was holding in came out like a sob and I just kept sobbing. I grabbed my pillow and cried into it for a good hour. I didn't want to move, I didn't want to cry, I didn't want to do anything. I crawled into a ball on top of my bed, hugging my pillow and crying into it. I hated myself then for crying. I had to fight this, I knew that. I didn't want to die. And really, who could blame me?

I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew it was dark and my clock read ten o'clock. I slowly moved out of my fetal position. I sat up and without thinking about anything, I slipped on my flip-flops and headed out, my parents seeing me, but not asking where I was going. I walked around the block about four or five times before I found myself sitting on the Taylor's swing. It was the middle of November, and even though I felt the cold air, I wasn't cold. I was still numb from earlier.

I heard someone say my name. I didn't have the strength, nor the will, to look up.

"Manny?" I heard it again and finally looked up slightly. Brad and Randy were standing in front of me. I blinked, and then remembered that I was in their backyard I looked back down again.

"What are you doing here? It's past midnight." Brad wrapped his coat tighter around himself.

It was then that I realized all I had on was a pair of flip-flops, a tank top, and a pair of stretchy pants.

I looked up at him slowly, trying to see him through the new wave of tears that were threatening to spill over. The look on my face must have been really scary because he shared a quick glance with Randy before they both sat on either side of me.

I didn't move, and I didn't say anything when Randy shrugged off his jacket and put it around my shoulders.

There was a few moments of silence that I was trying to soak in before they asked the question I knew they'd ask.

Another moment later, they turned to me at the same time. "What happened?" Randy asked.

I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out. I waited until I was sure my voice wouldn't break. Then I swallowed hard before I whispered, "We got the test results back."

"…and?" Brad pressed.

"They came back _positive_." My voice cracked slightly on the last part.

I looked up towards the sky as I willed myself not to cry. No matter what I did, I couldn't cry, not in front of them. I **had **to be strong, just like last time. I watched out of the corner of my eye as Brad and Randy share another look with each other.

Randy then put his arm around my shoulders and put my head on his shoulder. He leaned his head against mine as Brad grabbed my hand and held it between both of his.

And as lame as this is going to sound, I actually felt safe with them. I took in as much of that feeling as I could because in the very near future, I may not feel this again.


	6. Desperately Wanting

Notes: I'm updating again because I want this story done and up before I go to camp, so expect almost daily uploads. I'm currently writing the last chapter. And like I said, there are still 13 chapters in the story. Tomorrow you'll probably get seven and eight because I just realized it wouldn't work if I posted a chapter daily. This is just a kind of filler chapter. But other than that, ignore the mistakes and enjoy!  
Warning: Language and Talk of Death.  
Summary: Their friend was dying and there was nothing they could do to help her.  
Disclaimer: See Chapter One  
Reminder: Please review!

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**Randy's POV**

It was only two in the morning. Brad and I had finally convinced Manny to go home around one. She was practically falling asleep on the swing and we walked her home.

It just did not seem very fair to me. She already… was sick, and she beat it then, so why did it have to come back? Like I said, unfair.

There was also that gnawing feeling that would not go away, no matter what I did. I rolled over to face the wall. This was one of those times I wished I had a television in my room. Even though there was probably nothing on but infomercials and dirty comedians, it would be something to take my mind off everything. I was especially fond of this infomercial were the guy used one of the knives in his set to cut a pineapple in half in midair.

I lay staring at my wall for about five seconds before I threw my covers off and started up the stairs.

**Brad's POV**

I could not sleep and that is how I found myself in front of the TV in the middle of the night. Manny has been my friend since we were kids, and it actually _hurt_ to think that she might not be my friend for very long.

And it was those thoughts that I was trying to push out of my mind. I did not want to think about Manny, or Randy, or anything, just this infomercial about cooking knifes that could cut a pineapple in midair. The knives were sweet, for a limited time only, you could get the handles a different color to match your kitchen color scheme.

This infomercial was just on another station, so I knew this around. Weird, I know. If they could make History Class an infomercial, I'd pass with flying colors.

"Brad?"

I looked behind me.

"Hi mom."

"Honey, what are you doing up?" She asked.

I shrugged. "Couldn't sleep." Hey, it was the truth, wasn't it?

She came around the couch and sat down next to me.

There was about two seconds of silence before she asked, "What was Amanda doing here?"

I shrugged again. "We had to talk about stuff." This is way I was watching TV, to forget about what we talked about.

"Is something wrong?" Mom asked.

"N-" I stopped. "Nothing we can do anything about."

Mom just looked at me, confused.

I sighed. "Mom, Manny said we weren't supposed to tell anybody, but she has cancer. Randy and I can't do anything to help her because she hates talking about it. That's why she was here. She had to tell us. And that's why I'm done here, because I'm trying to forget that one of my friends might die!"

Mom was quiet for a second, and a new infomercial was on. Something about a magic diet pill that could make a person shed thirty pounds in a month without any exercise. Them Mom put her arm around my shoulders.

"Honey, I'm so sorry."

There was another few seconds of quiet before a voice from behind us said, "You told mom?"

We both jumped and turned to see Randy, standing in the middle of the kitchen.

I nodded and he walked over and sat down on the other side of her.

"Are you two okay?" Mom asked.

I shrugged for the third time. "There's nothing we can do." Randy nodded slowly when mom looked at him.

"You can be there for her when she needs you."

"I guess, but that doesn't seem like much." Randy said, looking over at me.

"It may be to Amanda." Was all she said before she kissed the tops of our heads and went back upstairs.

Randy and I finished watching the magic diet pill and a religious talk show. I fell asleep during the religious talk show and did not wake up once until around ten the next morning.

**Amanda's POV**

The morning sure took its sweet time coming. But I will say that I fell asleep around three, I did not wake up until around eleven, so it made the day seem shorter.

I went downstairs and found my mother in the kitchen, making pancakes. I blinked at her for a few moments. The last time my mother made pancakes was when I was six and I told her they were burned and she said she'd never make them again, even if I had begged her to at least once a year since then.

She turned around. "Good morning honey."

My father lowered his newspaper. "How are you? I heard you come up pretty late."

"I was watching infomercials. And I'm fine. Why are you making pancakes? You said you were never going to make them again."

My mother shrugged. "I know you've wanted them, so I decided to fix them for you."

I breathed in heavily through my nose and closed my eyes. "I know you're trying to make me feel better, but you're not."

"What was that, dear?" My mother asked me.

I opened my eyes and looked at her, cursing myself for the waterworks I was bound to release. "You think fixing me special breakfasts and asking me how I am is going to make everything better and it's not. I want you both to act as you normally do. That would make me feel better. Not you being careful what you say or how you act around me because you're afraid anything hurtful or mean or rude will send me straight to the hospital when it won't."

"Amanda," My father started, sharing a look with my mother. "We apologize. We were just trying to make things easier for you."

"Well, don't." I said, sitting down as my mother put some pancakes on my fathers plate, then mine, then hers.

"Okay, we'll try to act normal." My mom said, patting my hand, before reaching for the jelly and spreading it on her pancakes.

I looked down and could not help but smile. "These aren't burned."

My mom just looked up at me through her eyelashes before cutting into her pancakes as I reached for the syrup.

* * *


	7. Bottle It Up

Notes: So, I lied. You're getting Chapter Seven tonight. I'm just really bored and decided uploading another chapter might be fun (I guess). I stole most of Manny's first POV from an episode from Kyle XY, so if you notice that, you were warned beforehand. And I don't own Kyle XY, I just like it a whole lot. I finished the last chapter, so…yeah. Ignore the mistakes and enjoy.  
Warning: Language and Talk of Death.  
Summary: Their friend was dying and there was nothing they could do to help her.  
Disclaimer: See Chapter One  
Reminder: Please review!

* * *

**Amanda's POV**

I walked up the two front stairs of the Taylor house and rang the doorbell. It was Sunday and I had to ask Randy something about tomorrow. Well, I could have asked Brad, but Randy was actually in my important classes, so I needed to ask him more. I also needed to get out of the house before I went crazy with thinking.

The door opened. "Hello, Amanda."

I looked up. "Hi, Mrs. Taylor."

"Come in." She moved and let me enter before closing the door behind us.

"I just came to talk to Randy or Brad. Are either of them home?"

Mrs. Taylor nodded. "Their in Randy's room."

"Thank you." I turned to leave when Mrs. Taylor said, "Wait, Amanda."

I turned back.

"Is there anything, you know, you want to talk about?"

I slowly started to shake my head. "No…"

"Well, if anything comes up…"

I turned to head downstairs, and then turned back around. "They totally told you, didn't they?"

"Did who tell me what?" She asked, looking flustered.

"I don't know which one it was, but Brad and or Randy told you about me, didn't they?"

Mrs. Taylor made a funny noise with her throat. "No."

But the look in her eyes told me a completely different story.

I put my hands up. "That's cool, covering for them, but that still doesn't get them off the hook for talking about it in the first place!" I said, a little louder than I meant to.

Mrs. Taylor just looked at me. "How are you?" She asked.

I paused. "Are you going to bill me?"

She laughed. "Consider it a free-be."

I shrugged. "My parents and I have been through it before. We know what to expect."

"I know that _you're _pretty okay with all of this, but maybe Randy and Brad aren't. Maybe since they thought they could not talk to you, they needed to talk to someone else. They both care about you a lot. Maybe you could cut them some slack?" Mrs. Taylor said gently.

I sighed. "I guess I should." I paused. "Thanks."

She nodded.

I turned to go down to Randy's room before turning back. "You're really good at this."

Mrs. Taylor laughed. "Thank you, Amanda."

I shrugged again before going downstairs.

**Randy's POV**

Brad and I stopped talking when we heard footsteps on the stairs.

"Hey." It was Manny.

"Hi." We said.

"How are you?" I asked.

She raised an eyebrow at us. "Well, six people on this block know I have…that I'm sick and that's…well, that's three people too many." She put her finger on her chin and made a thinking noise. "Let's see…I know…and my parents know, so that's three. And you two know, so that is five. So how do six people know?" She lowered her hand and put it on her hip. "Oh yeah, of course, I almost forgot. Your mother knows."

Brad and I exchanged a look. We did not know she would find out so fast, and we were also confused as to why she was not freaking out.

Manny sighed. "I'm not mad. This time. But if anybody else finds out because of either one of you, I will make a scene." Manny shrugged before sitting on my bed. Brad tossed her the foam ball in his hand. "Besides, your mom was cool about it. She was all _'They didn't go through this last time like you did, cut them some slack' _and I was like _'Okay'_ and she didn't bill me for the talk either." She looked down at the ball. "Bite marks?" She asked.

Brad shrugged. "Foam, it's irresistible."

She smiled before lying back, and turning to look at me. "Before I forget, I'm going to the hospital tomorrow morning and I'm going to be out of school all day. Do you think you could tell me the homework? I'll be getting out around one, so I'll be home when school's over."

I nodded quickly. "Yeah, sure."

"What are you going to the hospital for?" Brad asked. I did not even think about asking that question. Well, not really.

Manny sat up and leaned back on her hands. "I have my first round of chemo. I'm not looking forward to it." She rolled her eyes before lying back down again.

I looked at her for a moment. She closed her eyes and I could not help but try to think about what _she_ was thinking about. I could not comprehend how calm she was being about all of this. If it were me, I would not be able to sit still. I'd be twitchy and antsy beyond all belief. But there she was, lying on my bed, her eyes closed, as if nothing had happened. As if she was merely bored because there was nothing to do.

And I actually felt jealous of her strength of will right then.

**Amanda's POV**

The next afternoon the doorbell rang at exactly three o'clock. I knew it was Randy, and so did my mother. I told her I had Randy bring over my homework and she told me she would send him up.

I heard her and Randy say hello to each other before I heard his footsteps on the stairs. There was a knock on my door.

"Randy, I know it's you, just come in." I said.

The door opened and Randy came in. "How are you?"

I rolled my eyes. "I'm just dandy."

Randy sat down on the edge of my bed and just looked at me.

I sighed. "Okay, I feel like I'm going to throw up, the room is spinning and rolling my eyes just now did nothing for my stomach."

"I'm sorry," Randy said softly. "I won't stay long."

I kicked him in the butt. "Don't apologize; you didn't do this to me."

Randy smiled at that a little and then pulled my books out of his bag and told me what the homework was. I tried to listen to what he was saying, but one second he was trying to explain the new lesson in math, and the next thing I knew was my head was hitting the pillow and I was sound asleep.


	8. Poor Thing

Notes: Some of this chapter is also from Kyle XY, one of my favorite television shows ever. And once again, I do not own that either. Later on today chapter nine will be up. Brad and Randy are most likely OOC, but it's a fanfiction, I can do that. I don't have anything else to say, so ignore the errors and enjoy!  
Warning: Language and Talk of Death.  
Summary: Their friend was dying and there was nothing they could do to help her.  
Disclaimer: See Chapter One  
Reminder: Please review!

* * *

**Brad's POV**

I was starting to get worried about Manny. It was the beginning of May and Manny was out of school more and more. And when she was in school, she did not talk and she did not look like she was paying as much attention as she used to. Then again, she has been going to Chemo so frequently that I was surprised that she could come to school at all. And to my disbelief, not very many people seemed to know she was so sick.

Today was one of Manny's last days. I would have been with them, but I had to come in early to finish a project. It was unlike me, I know. Looking up from my locker, I saw her and Randy come in through the front entrance. Manny had her arms crossed tightly across her chest and Randy was talking to her, saying what, I do not know.

"Hey." I said, walking up to them.

"Hi." They said in unison.

Looking around, Randy laughed. "You sure chose a great last day."

Manny looked up at one of the posters. "_'You give, we live?' _It's that stupid telethon?"

I nodded. "And lucky you, Cancer was picked for the theme."

Manny rolled her eyes. "Lucky me," she muttered in sarcasm.

In November and May, our school did a telethon to raise money for one organization or another. It was annoying to me, but a lot of the students and teachers really enjoyed it.

"But the grade that raises the most money gets a free pizza party."

Manny rolled her eyes again. "Screw the telethon, give me the free pizza," she mumbled. "The telethon is stupid anyway. I'm not participating in it this time." And she walked away.

**Amanda's POV**

Everyone around me was talking about the stupid telethon and some were giving me dirty looks every time I rolled my eyes at it. There were events in every class and all I wanted was a good old-fashion, _sit down and shut up as I teach you _school day. But **no,** it had to be all about Jeopardy, and raffles and tickets and money.

Like I said, screw the telethon and give me the prizes. Everyone was excited about the free day and it was adding to my continuously growing headache. I felt really dizzy and queasy and all I wanted to do was go home and go to sleep.

Gym was right before lunch. I dreaded this class more than I dreaded any other. I handed my doctor's note to my teacher and sat in the bleachers while the rest of my class played Team Handball, my favorite gym game in the history of gym games.

I watched my peers play and I began feeling jealous. Not just because they were playing my favorite sport ever while I sat here be myself, being forced to watch them play. No, I felt jealous because they could do stuff that I wanted. There was a good chance I would not graduate high school. More than anything, I wanted to be happy and healthy again. It did not seem fair. I beat cancer once, why should I have to beat it again. I just wanted my life to go back to normal. If my life could go back to the way it was last May, I would be so happy. I would give anything to have everything go back to before.

The bell rang and I headed to the lunchroom. I was the first one there, but soon all of our other friends were there, also including Brad and Randy.

**Randy's POV**

"Can you believe all this crap for the telethon?" Brad asked, sitting beside me.

"Hey Brad," Tommy said from across the table. "I heard you cheated in English and got a ticket to enter to win a car." Five kids from each grade had the chance to stand around one weekend with their hand on a car. The last person touching the car won it.

Manny looked up at him. "You cheated?" Her voice sounded cold. "Cheating at a charity event?" She said loudly. "How brain damaged are you?"

"Like you even care about the drive." Brad said, just as loudly. I had a feeling something was going to go bad here.

"But that doesn't mean you can cheat to win a stupid car! You already have a car!"

"Hey, Manny, back off a little." I said.

Manny looked like she was about to cry. I do not think Brad and I should have ganged up on a girl who had cancer, but she was getting a little ridiculous.

"How about no, Randy. You know what he did was wrong. Why are you taking his side?" She demanded. "_This isn't a joke._"

"Wait a minute. What is with you? One minute you don't care about anything that has to do with cancer and the next you freak out!" Brad yelled.

"What?"

"First we can't talk about…this…that you told us not to talk about, not even to you. And it is not like you even want to deal with…this. You keep pretending it is not happening. You keep pretending everything's going to work out and maybe it will, but maybe it won't!"

She narrowed her eyes and I could see the tears threatening to break free. I knew saying that was going to far.

"Hey, I can freak out if I want too! _**I'm the one with cancer!" **_She practically screamed.

I froze; Brad froze; Manny froze; all our friends froze; the cafeteria froze. Everyone in the cafeteria had gotten quiet just before she had said (screamed, same difference) that. And everyone was staring at us, well, mostly her, and some with opened mouths.

Manny glanced around at all our peers (not to mention a few teachers and some cafeteria staff) looking at her, at us, at the table in general. A tear rolled down her cheek. She let out a sob before grabbing her backpack and hurrying as fast as she could out of the lunchroom.

Brad and I shared a quick look before throwing our lunches away and rushing out after her.


	9. Gotta Find You

Notes: This is another filler chapter. Chapter ten will be up later, eleven will be up tomorrow, twelve Saturday and the last chapter on Sunday before I go to camp. Like I said, filler chapter, so keep that in mind. Ignore the mistakes and enjoy!  
Warning: Language and Talk of Death.  
Summary: Their friend was dying and there was nothing they could do to help her.  
Disclaimer: See Chapter One  
Reminder: Please review!

* * *

**Amanda's POV**

I could not believe them. I could not believe me. I could not believe any of this. More than anything I wished I was still sleeping, that this was all a bad dream, but I was not and it wasn't.

I had no reason to get so mad and I certainly did not need to start yelling. Just telling Brad that cheating was wrong would have been enough, right? But **no**, I had to scream at him. But he did not have to scream back. And Randy did not have to jump in.

I felt pathetic, blaming other people for my mistakes. The room suddenly started to spin and I was already feeling sick. I leaned against the lockers just behind me and closed my eyes. My brain started on everything that could possibly be wrong and I did not like any of them. Nothing bad could happen, not now, because it was not a good time for that, but it was just part of my crummy luck.

"Manny!" I did not even have to look to know who said it. I pushed myself off the locker and started walking in the other direction. I did not want to see either of them right this second.

"Manny, stop!"

I just walked around the corner.

**Brad's POV**

"Manny, stop!" I called as we tried to catch up with her. She walked the corner and when we turned, she was waiting. Or so we thought.

"Come on, just talk to-" Randy started before Manny fell to her knees, and then fell face first onto the ground.

"Amanda!" We both yelled as we ran forward.

"What is going on out here?" I looked up and saw a teacher poking his head out his classroom door.

"We need the nurse." Randy told the teacher, who just stood there, staring.

"Now!" I snapped, scaring the teacher into running down the hall towards the nurse's office.

Randy put his hands on her cheeks. "Manny, please wake up. You have to wake up, okay?" Randy sniffed and it was then I realized he was crying. Before I could say anything, the nurse and the principal came hurrying up to us.

Fifteen minutes later the ambulance pulled away. Everyone was watching, even though lunch was only half over. They were all whispering and from what I could hear, nobody had the story straight, but I sure was not going to straighten it out for them.

Another ten minutes later, the bell rang. I looked over at Randy. He was not crying anymore.

"Maybe we should get to class?" I asked, looking down at the ground.

"Yeah, I guess." Randy said, and without another word, he turned around and walked away.

Sighing, I walked in the other direction. Ironically, before all I wanted to do was forget about Manny before, and now I felt scared that if I did forget her, something bad might happen.

I could not even bring myself to think about what would happen if she were bad off.

I also could not feel guilty about the whole thing. If I had not lied and cheated, she would not have gotten angry and maybe she would still be okay.

Everyone I walked or sat by tried to find out what happened because I was there. I did not answer anybody; I just pretended I could not hear them.

The end of the day could not come soon enough and when Randy and I walked outside, Dad was there and he drove us to the hospital.

**Amanda's POV**

I opened my eyes and had to blink a few times against the harsh light coming in through the window. I felt uncomfortable. I looked around and realized I must be in the hospital, though I could not remember why. I had a breathing tube, an I.V., and some other things hooked up to me and I realized that was making me uncomfortable. I closed my eyes, I was feeling sick and my entire body hurt. I wanted the feeling to go away.

Suddenly, my eyes flew open and I remembered what had happened. I remembered yelling at Brad and Randy. I remembered the entire cafeteria hearing me scream about my cancer. I remember running away from them, feeling sick, and hearing them call for me, and then nothing after that.

I looked for a clock and saw on above my head. It was only one o'clock. I should not be here; I should be in school! Laughing at a teacher, taking notes, or walking down the hallway, waving to my friends and talking to people! I should not be here, needing help from a machine to breathe and _just stay alive!_ I said it a hundred times before, but it just was not fair. I was a good person, so why was this happening to me? Wasn't there somebody somewhere who deserved this?

My eyes were still closed when the door opened and I could hear voices. I could hear my parents and a doctor talking. And unless they woke me up, I refused to let them see me awake because I _really_ did not feel like talking.

My heart dropped when I heard the doctor say I would have to stay in the hospital until further notice. That must have meant I was really bad, well, worse off then I had originally thought I was. My eyes burned with tears and I squeezed my eyes tighter so they would not leak out. I heard my mother start to cry, and the door closed again. I opened my eyes and tried to wipe away my tears, but they just kept coming and for a few minutes, I cried for me, as pathetic as that may sound.

I mean, I was fifteen! I did not want to die, fifteen years just is not long enough!

After a few minutes, I made myself stop crying, wiped my eyes, and sniffled. I felt like a little kid, acting the way I was. Crying was not going to get me anywhere and it certainly was not going to make everything go away.


	10. Heels Over Head

Notes: I decided to upload this chapter faster than I thought. It's all in Manny's POV and I wanted something special to happen to Manny, so I added the last thing between her and Randy. I don't really have anything more to say without giving away the entire chapter (I know I always say I have nothing more to say) so just ignore the errors and enjoy!  
Warning: Language and Talk of Death.  
Summary: Their friend was dying and there was nothing they could do to help her.  
Disclaimer: See Chapter One  
Reminder: Please review!

* * *

**Amanda's POV**

I rolled over, trying to fall back asleep, but it was not working. My entire body hurt, despite the painkiller the nurse had injected ten minutes ago. The doctor had just come in with the nurse and explained what had happened. It was not that interesting even. My parents came in after that and were really shaken up, and I really didn't need that right now, so I pretended I was really tired and they said they'd leave for a little bit (something about getting dinner) and coming back in an hour or so.

I sat up and moved the back of my bed up. I had nothing to do and for probably the first time in my life, I was okay with that. I laid back and closed my eyes. I was almost asleep when I heard the door open. I looked over and saw five Taylor's walking in.

"Hi Amanda, how are you?" Mr. Taylor asked quietly.

I shrugged. "Been better." I told him honestly.

"We won't stay long," Mrs. Taylor said, setting the flowers I must have missed on my windowsill.

I nodded slowly.

"How long will you be in here?" Mark asked.

"I don't know," I told him as he nodded.

There were a few minutes of silence after Mrs. Taylor asked where my parents were. I told her what they told me and she accepted it.

They stayed for about half an hour. My parents came back and they decided they had better leave. While they were putting their coats on, Mr. Taylor told me whenever I get out; he would have me as a guest on his TV show. Smiling, I accepted, though thinking in the back of my mind that might not happen.

When Mr. and Mrs. Taylor and Mark were gone, Brad and Randy turned to me.

"Shouldn't you be leaving?" I asked, confused.

"I drove us here," Brad said, sitting down in the chair by my bed.

"We wanted to apologize to you, in private," Randy added, sitting on the edge of my bed.

"You don't have to apologize," I whispered. "I'm not mad about anything. I overreacted at lunch."

Randy opened his mouth, but then closed it again.

"I told the principal I cheated. He gave me a week of detention and I'm out of the contest."

I looked over at Brad. "Thank you."

There were a few minutes of silence before Randy whispered, "Are you scared?"

Brad looked up at me as well. I looked down, then back up again, shrugging. "To death," I told them.

And for some reason, saying that seemed to make Randy mad, though I am not really sure why. So I added, "Fifteen years doesn't seem long enough. I'm not afraid of dying, I'm afraid of what happens after."

Just as I was finishing that sentence, Randy reached over and grabbed my hand, squeezing it slightly.

"It's going to be weird not seeing you on the porch swing for a while." Brad said, leaning forward on his knees.

I nodded. "It's going to be weird not seeing your house whenever I look out the window."

We sat there in comfortable silence for the first time in a long time, until one of the nurses came in and said Visiting Hours were almost up. Brad said goodbye and hugged me before stepping outside. Randy did the same thing and just before he turned the doorknob, I got a powerful feeling, and I do not know how to describe it at all.

"Randy, wait!" I called to him.

He stopped and turned around quickly. "Are you okay?"

I started to nod, then shook my head. "I have to ask you to do something for me, and I would like it a whole lot if you did it for me."

Randy stepped back over to the bed. "What is it?"

I sighed and looked away from him. "It's just…I think I'm going to die soon-" Randy took a sharp intake of breath, but remained silent, "-and there's something bothering me."

"What?"

I looked up at him, my blush burning my face, "It's just…I'm fifteen…and I've never been…kissed. And I do not want to die without having my first kiss. And I know you're one of my best friends, so it might make it weird for you, but-" I was cut off my Randy pressing his lips against mine. My face probably turned even redder and after a moment, he pulled away.

"Was that okay?" He asked softly.

I nodded. "Thank you."

He put his hand on the side of my face. "Anything for you," he whispered before kissing my forehead.

He said his goodbye again and left. Smiling more truly than I have in what must be _months_; I lay back for a moment glad I made the decision to ask him. As my blush started fading away, I got that feeling back. I felt calm and my whole body was relaxed. Finally realizing what it really meant, I opened my nightstand draw and pulled out the legal pad that was in it and the pen that was next to it. Flipping it open, I wrote the date and time in the top right hand corner before composing a medium sized note to my parents. I ripped it out a few minutes later, folded it, and wrote their names on it. Then I wrote the new time and the date on the next page. This note was going to Brad and Randy, and I wanted (or maybe it was needed) it to be perfect. Because after everything I put them through, I figured it was the least I could do. It took me almost forty-five minutes, but I finished. Wiping away the tear that had fallen, I folded the letter and wrote their names on it. Then, the last thing I did that night, I wrote down, _"The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death." _on the notepad before ripping that out and holding while I drifted to sleep.


	11. It's Over Now

Notes: This is the only chapter I'm uploading today. This chapter may upset some people, but this was the one thing I was sure of since the beginning of this story. It goes Brad, Randy, Brad because after Randy's POV was done, it wasn't long enough, so I had to add another Brad. That's pretty much it, so ignore the mistakes and enjoy.  
Warning: Language and Talk of Death.  
Summary: Their friend was dying and there was nothing they could do to help her.  
Disclaimer: See Chapter One  
Reminder: Please review!

* * *

**Brad's POV**

I laid in bed a few minutes the next morning thinking about many things. As much as I wanted to forget, I wanted to remember as well. Last night, Randy came out of Manny's hospital room looking better than he had in months. When I asked him about it, he just shrugged. But, he was okay, and that was all right with me.

I laid there for a few more minutes before deciding it was time to get up, that and because my stomach was growling.

I made my way downstairs and found mom and dad in the kitchen.

"Hey Brad, how are you?" Mom asked.

I shrugged. "I've been better," I told her honestly and I looked in the fridge for something to eat. Mark was sitting at the table eating a bowl of cereal. "Where's Randy?" I asked, pulling out the egg carton and setting it down by the stove.

"Still sleeping I guess," Dad said, sitting down next to Mark.

My eggs were half done when Randy came up from the basement and I was just sitting down to eat when the phone rang. Randy opened the fridge door when mom said, "Oh my gosh, Marie, is there anything I can do?" There was a pause. "Are you sure?" Pause. "Okay, well, I'll come over later and help you, okay? Bye." Mom hung the phone up and put her hands on the counter.

"Who was that?" Dad asked.

Mom didn't answer right away. When she did, her voice was shaky. "That was Marie Hawthorne." She paused and I suddenly knew why. "Amanda passed away last night."

My brain was frozen. It was just yesterday when I saw Amanda at school and she was fine! Just yesterday she was being her sarcastic self and she was fine! Just yesterday she was yelling at me and she was fine! She was fine yesterday! How could she be dead now? I was so sure she'd be okay, that she'd pull through all this. I never knew somebody could be so wrong.

Randy, who had been turning, dropped the orange juice pitcher and it shattered, sending glass and orange juice everywhere, but no one said anything.

**Randy's POV**

Mom's word repeated in my head again and again and it took me a whole minute to realize what they meant. I was waiting for her to smile and say she was just kidding and that Amanda was doing better, but after a few moments, I realized she wasn't going to. I had no idea what to do or what to say, so I grabbed a handful of paper towels and started cleaning up the orange juice and glass from the pitcher I had dropped.

It was only yesterday when I sat with Amanda on the bus at she was fine! It was only yesterday when she was her sarcastic self and she was fine! It was only yesterday when she was yelling at Brad and I and she was fine! She was fine yesterday! My brain was getting fuzzy and my chest tightened and I had no idea how to feel. All I know is I wanted her back, now. I wanted everything to be the way it was before. Or I wanted to go back to the first day we ever met and just relive my life so I could spend more time with her.

I stood up a few minutes later and threw the paper towels away before ignoring the looks the rest of my family were giving me and going back down to my room. I wasn't hungry anymore and I just wanted to be alone.

**Brad's POV**

I watched Randy go back to his room. I wanted to go down there to see if he was okay, but then stopped myself. He _wasn't _going to be okay, not now, and not for a while.

"Oh wow…" Was all Mark said.

"Does Marie and Jacob know when the funeral is yet?" Dad asked. I hadn't even thought of that. I didn't think I could handle going to the funeral because it would probably be an open casket and I didn't want to see her. I wanted to only remember her when she was alive and happy. I didn't even want to remember her when she was alive and sick, so I obviously didn't want to remember her dead and anything. It just seemed like to much.

Mom said, "They don't know yet. They're making the funeral arrangements today. I'm going to go over later and see if they need anything." Mom sighed. "It's just so horrible. No parents should have to bury their child."

Dad got up and hugged her when I stood up and took my plate to the sink. I wasn't hungry anymore and what I had ate was now making me feel sick.

I headed back upstairs. I just wanted to be alone.


	12. Tears Don't Fall

Notes: This is, again, a semi-filler chapter and the only chapter I'm posting today. There is still one more chapter and that will be uploaded tomorrow morning. There is a Harry Potter reference made. Ignore the mistakes and enjoy.  
Warning: Language and Talk of Death.  
Summary: Their friend was dying and there was nothing they could do to help her.  
Disclaimer: See Chapter One  
Reminder: Please review!

* * *

**Randy's POV**

_I was not going to the funeral. _

That was all I could think of a few days later. But even as I thought that, I was pulling on my suit and getting ready. I hated the fact I had to wear a suit. The few times Manny had seen me in one, she thought I looked goofy and laughed at me. Going in a nice shirt and clean pants would have been enough, but Mom would not hear it, even though I tried explaining to her how much Manny did not like me in a suit. But she refused and I was not in the mood for an argument.

Getting into the car and driving to the funeral home took a lot longer than it should. Or maybe it just seemed like a long time, I do not really know which.

Mr. and Mrs. Hawthorne were standing by the door, greeting people as they came in. Mrs. Hawthorne hugged each of us in turn and thanked us for coming. It was not as if I had much of a choice. They started to go in, but I went to find the bathroom. I really did not want to be here. I hated everything about this. I hated that it was a funeral, I hated the way funeral homes smell, I hated the suit, and I hated that it was Manny's body in that casket.

I leaned my hands on the sink and looked at myself in the mirror when the door opened. I looked over my shoulder and saw Brad come in.

"What?" I asked.

He shrugged. "Just wondering where you were."

I looked away. I did not want to talk to anyone, but Brad came and stood next to me. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I rolled my eyes. "There's nothing to talk about."

"You must have something to say. You haven't said anything since the day Mrs. Hawthorne called."

"There was nothing to say."

"Randy-"

Brad's POV

Every time I have to get dressed up, something bad happens and today was no exception. Randy would not come out of his room except to eat (which he didn't really do) or to just walk through the kitchen on his way to school.

I watched him walk away after Mrs. Hawthorne hugged him. I did not know if I should go after him or let him be, so I gave him a few minutes before following him.

I opened the door to the bathroom and he looked over at me as I came in and closed the door behind me.

"What?" he asked, looking mad that I disturbed him.

I shrugged. "Just wondering where you were."

Randy just looked away. Sure, Randy was not one to talk about his _feelings_, none of the Taylor's were. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"There's nothing to talk about."

"You must have something to say. You haven't said anything since the day Mrs. Hawthorne called."

"There was nothing to say."

"Randy-"

Randy turned around to face me, looking even madder. "Okay, you want me to talk, _fine_. Manny was one of the best friends I ever had. She was like my younger sister I was supposed to take care of and I failed. Do you know why she called me back in the night before she died?" I did not get a chance to answer; he was talking too fast and looked to angry. "It was because she knew she was about to die. She _knew_, but she did not want to go without having her first kiss. I kissed Amanda Julia Hawthorne the night before she died and I hate myself for doing it. If I hadn't kissed her, she might have fought harder to stay alive. If I hadn't kissed her, I wouldn't feel this way. Brad, I'm not entirely sure, but I think I fell in love with her."

I stared at him for almost a minute. Everything he said repeated in my head and it finally made sense. And after I realized that, I was speechless for a few moments.

"I-I didn't know." Was all I could say.

"Yeah, I know." Was all he said.

"I'm sorry."

Randy shrugged and wiped his cheeks with the backs of his hands. Then it hit me that he was crying. I felt awkward standing there while he was crying, so I kind of turned to give him some privacy. One moment he was sniffling and the next he was standing next to me.

"You ready?" I asked him, heading towards the door.

He shrugged. "I guess." And we left.

We walked back in to the room and Mom asked us where we were.

"Around." I told her without even glancing at Randy because that would have given it away.

A little while later, the ceremony thing began. Mom decided we should sit in the front with Mr. and Mrs. Hawthorne. I did not turn around to look at who all was there, but I felt them looking at us. When the Minister was done, we all got up to look at her. I hated that it was an open casket. Finally, it was our turn and I had to laugh. Randy looked back at me.

"She's wearing that butterfly pin." I told him, nodding towards it and when Randy saw it, he laughed slightly.

I couldn't look at her grave later at the cemetery. All it said was

_Amanda Julia Hawthorne_

_June 13, 1982 - May 29, 1996_

_The last enemy that shall be destroyed in death._

I didn't understand why it said that, but then I heard somebody behind my whispering to another that was what Manny was found holding after they found her…well, when they found her.

Afterwards in the church's basement for lunch (how someone could eat after looking at the body of a fifteen year old girl who died way to soon) Mr. and Mrs. Hawthorne came up to us, holding something in her hand. She handed it to Randy. "Manny wanted us to give you this. We don't know when she wrote it, but that's what she wanted."

"Thank you," Randy said and when they left, he put it in his pocket, which was a good thing, because I did not want to read it right now.

We were the last people to leave the church, besides Manny's parents. The car ride home was quiet and it gave me time to think. I glanced over at Randy before looking back out the window. I knew we'd make it through this. It might take some time, but we'd grieve and then we'd move on, as bad as that may sound. It's what Manny would have wanted.

After everybody went up to bed that night, Randy and I sat on the couch to read Manny's letter.


	13. Find My Way

Notes: SNAPS last chapter. Sorry, I've been watching the musical version of Legally Blonde a lot lately. Okay, there's an A Walk To Remember and a Robert Frost reference and there might be another one, I just can't find it. Whatever you recognize isn't mine. This is the last chapter and there won't be one after, seeing as I have a tendency to add chapters. SO if you're still confused, ask me. I swear I'll be nice and tell you without being mean about it. And if you don't like the way it ends and you tell me, I'll tell you to Snap It Out. Ignore the mistakes and enjoy.  
Warning: Language and Talk of Death.  
Summary: Their friend was dying and there was nothing they could do to help her.  
Disclaimer: See Chapter One  
Reminder: Please review!

* * *

_Dear Brad and Randy,_

_Firstly, do not fight over which name was first. I went by who was older. I know you better then you might think._

_Now, I am sure when my mom or dad handed you this letter, they did not know when I wrote it. I wrote this about thirty seconds after Randy left my hospital room._

_And Randy, I know what you are probably thinking. That if you had not kissed me, I might have fought harder. What you do not know is that I was fighting for a long time before that. Even if you had not kissed me, I would not have had long anyway._

_I know I am about to die. And I know I was so scared before, but I have never felt more relaxed and calm before in my life. Sure, for a while I was mad about the fact that I am only fifteen, but I am not anymore. It is hard to explain how calm I feel, and I guess neither of you will truly understand until your time comes (which I hope isn't for a very long time)._

_I also know that you both are not total believers, but it is like, maybe God has a bigger plan for me than I had for myself. Like this journey never ends. Like you were sent to me because I am sick, to help me through all this. You are my angels. That probably sounds lamer to you guys then it did to me, but it is true._

_But I did not want this letter to be all about me. I had some things to tell to you._

_Brad, you are smarter than people give you credit for. You are a good person with a big heart and the best soccer player I have ever seen. Do not let people or things stop you from doing what you want, because you will grow up wishing you had taken more chances, because trying and failing is better than never taking the chance._

_Randy, who are as smart as people think you are. I hate to tell you this, especially now, but I will not allow you to feel guilty if you don't feel the same, but ever since you left and every time I think of you, I feel lightheaded and happy, happier than I've been in a long time. When you kissed me, Randy, I think I fell in love with you. And if you somehow feel the same way, I will not allow you to wallow in a big puddle of self-misery thinking about what could have been. Though without suffering, there would be no compassion, which is why I will allow you (both of you) 12 hours to wallow in that puddle, but no more. I will be watching and you will know if I am angry at how you are letting life slip by. But the way you care about the environment is, truthfully, overwhelming and that is why you should stay with it. If you cannot get people to see things you are way, you can always talk to them about it until they finally agree to pretend they care about whatever it is you are doing. And I want you to go to Costa Rica for that environmental study, or at least apply. Read above in Brad's paragraph to see why (because you both know I am too lazy for my own good)_

_Tonight I am going to sleep, but I am not going to wake up. I know that, and like I have said, I am okay with it. And when, not if there is, when I get to Heaven, I'm going to put in some good words for you both so when it's your time, you can be up here with me. You both have years and years to live. Do not stop for a second because you are going to be forced to tell me all your amazing stories. And they will be amazing, and if they are not, then you did not live your life to the fullest and I will be disappointed. _

_And if my death affects you more than it should, please remember you have a loving family and great friends. Do not be afraid to cry. Those who mind don't matter and those who matter won't mind. And do not be afraid to cry in front of each other because you are brothers, you need to be there for each other. Every tear falls down for a reason, remember that._

_To die is an awfully big adventure, but so is to live. Everybody has to die sometime. Some people do not like that. However, it is the truth. We all die. The goal is not to live forever; the goal is to create something that will._

_I know, I keep repeating myself, just with different sayings and wording._

_This is the last thing I am going to write, because my eye lids are getting to heavy to keep open and I really want (need) to finish this._

_Back in the sixth grade, I had to give a report on a poem and I wanted you both to read it. But before you do, I want to give you what I think it means. Green is the first sign of Spring, which is the month things gain life. I think the poem is about just being alive and cherishing every moment of it. But the last line could be about how life cannot always stay that way, that things die, which takes us back to the point of this letter._

_"Nature's first green is gold_

_Her hardest hue to hold_

_Her early leaf's a flower;_

_But only so an hour_

_Then leaf subsides to leaf_

_So Eden sank to grief_

_So dawn goes down to day._

_Nothing gold can stay."_

_Know that I will always love you both. You were the brothers I never had. Love is the strongest thing in the world, always remember that._

_Your sister,_

_Forever yours,_

_Love always,_

_Your's truly,_

_Amanda (Manny) Julia Hawthorne._


End file.
